i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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