I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
