Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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