I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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