Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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