Im at strip club and am horny
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
