Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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