and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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