I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
