I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
