Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
