things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
farters have to be the big spoon...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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