Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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