They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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