I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
