Plan B is the new Plan A
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
