there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
