Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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