bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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