Redeem this text for a blowjob
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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