3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
