Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
