I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
