5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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