So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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