Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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