it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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