I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
