based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
