so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
