I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
