I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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