Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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