I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
