Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
