no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
