i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
