FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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