If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
