I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
