I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
