please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
