bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
