My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
