and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
foreskin is a definite game changer
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Congratulations! We have a period
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
