I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We need to rekindle our bromance
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
