can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
