Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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