I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
