Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wear drunk well.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
