Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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