we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
