I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
