letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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