Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
