I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
