Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
